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Just an update. Sections have been written, photos have been taken and subjects have been lined up. I'm meeting with the photographer tomorrow to talk more shop in regard to the shape and size of the book. We will then schedule more photo session with guys out and about. Progress is being made!
Friday night I received a notice in my email account that a new comment had been added to my guestbook. I went to see what was written..typically it is someone just saying hi, thanks, or has a question about some aspect of the transition process. But this time it was someone leaving me what I read as hate mail. For the past three and half years of being public, I've had this type of thing happen to me verbally...once or twice. To see it in words on my website, a place where I'm laying it all out there and being as open and honest as I can makes me a little annoyed.
My first thought while reading thier hateful words was, "How dare you." How dare a person, who doesn't even have the balls to leave a name or email address say something horrible about me. How dare they. My website is like my home, it's common courtesy to be respectful of someone in their home, if you can't, then just freakin' leave. No one is forcing a person to go to my website, read my story, or view my various media appearances.
It was obviously their choice and it shows that they obviously are trying to work out some issues but are too afraid of what they are feeling and so they hide behind their view of what organized religion is. Their very distorted, fearful view. I firmly believe that heaven and hell are what we live every day, in our bodies, on this planet. In some areas we have a choice, which reality we are going to let our experiences and feelings go, in other areas we do not due to economy, politics, and sadly others religious crusades and persecutions.
I had a choice four years ago....I could continue living in fear, living in guilt and shame of what my identities were...or I could embrace them, experience them, and share them with the people who I love. I lived in hell for many years, I experienced extreme depression, fear, hate, gluttony, self-harm, suicide attempts, etc...THAT was my life before I accepted myself. Now I have love, family, freedom, moderation, and experiences that make me proud to be on this planet.
How dare a stranger judge my life and where it is going when they don't know anything about me. I'd love to meet this person face to face and see what it is they are really fearful of. If people want to hide behind their fear, fine...but don't go bringing their petty judgments into my house.
It is bad enough, each day to see what religious views bring to this country, new laws that restrict human and civil rights. Laws being passed to allow biased medical providers to give selective treatment to patients, disregarding the hippocratic oath and the rights we all have as individuals in need of medical care, surgeries, and perscriptions.
The global ecomony, the degrading eco-system and the sadness we are feeling as humans is a true representative of what others ways of twisting the laws, abusing the system and ignoring the science either because of money or religion is why we are where we are today. Not because one person loves another or because I aligned my body with my brain.
I recycle, conserve energy, avoid over-spending, brake for bunnies, respect others privacy, and cross the street when there is a person lit up instead of a red-hand. What have those evangelitist ministers done lately? Priests? Conservative politicians? The CEO's of major companies? Homophobic pricks? What have they done? Do a google search and then tell me where the true problems are in our society.
sharpI can't even really express in words how important this November election is. If you are elgible to vote, please take the time to do so. If you would like to vote, but aren't registered visit http://www.rockthevote.org/ There should be no excuses this year. As I put on my home page, we have the opportunity to see a positive change in our society, or we will see it spiral even further into political wreckage.
We have the opportunity to see our country begin to mend international relations that have been destroyed over these past eight years, or we can watch as individuals take us further down what they see as "god's plan." We have the opportunity to see eqaulity extended to non-priveldged individuals. We have the opportunity to see health care improve and more people having access to help and healing. We have the opportunity to see our environment improve and less news about ice shelves the size of US states breaking off into the ocean.
If McCain and Palin are elected then we might as well kiss all of our rights good-bye and kiss our country good-bye because after what has happened to us these past eight years, it will only get worse.
I am a proud supporter of Obama even though I am disappointed in his views on marriage but as he says, "Change, we can believe in." Maybe even for him.
Please vote! http://www.rockthevote.org/
chillin'Michelle and I only have two more days here in Belgrade...this is both exciting and a little nerve wrecking for me. I can't wait to be back home and see my friends and family and pets (especially my pets!) but I'm worried about missing our flights home, especially after our experience flying here. What a mess! Why do we need to go through security every single time we get on a new flight? And why do they drop us off outside terminals, make us get on buses and then try to fight through the crowds with only forty minutes until our next flight? I really hate international flying.
I will miss the weather here in Belgrade...it has been gorgeous the whole time we've been here, of course I haven't been able to walk around in it due to my healing and extremely swollen genitals, but it's been nice to leave the windows open and see the sunlight.
a-okI'm doing the extensive journaling about my lower surgery on my "lower surgery" page but I felt like writing a little blog to just say how amazed I am by our life journies. If you would have told me twelve years ago that I would transition to a male and complete all of my surgeries within a three year span, I wouldn't have believed you, one because I didn't understand that it was possible at that time to transition and two I would have laughed at the amount of money we are forced to pay out to be who we are on this planet.
I sometimes wonder what my life would be like right now if trans people were supported by our US govt and we didn't have to go into debt beyond our eyeballs....but then I try to shake it off because I have my whole life to pay back my debt but only the present to be who I am.
I hope people reading this who are comfortbale in the sex/gender that they were born into appreciate more what has been given to them. Going through the surgeries, the recoveries, the hoops and loops, the doctor consultations/visits/insurance nightmares, the paper trails, legal trails, fear of discrimination trails, the ignorant responses, "You used to be a chick!", is something you'll never experience.
I laugh at the way some media portray trans people and the way they yell out their headlines. I've been in various trans communities and we are all just people, trying to live our lives as truly as we can. We aren't hiding behind our fears but washing the fears away and enjoying the time we have on this planet in the bodies we need to navigate us through the social constructs.
With all the crap that I've gone through, I feel like I've lived many lives in just the almost 29 years that I've been on this planet, and even though there have been many battles, challenges and hardships, I look forward to what the future may bring but am always very happy to be in the present.
rushedWe are now setting off for Serbia this Sunday. In a way it is kind of weird to let the reality of this surgery sink in....I've always dreamt of it but never thought that I could actually do it. But by this time next Wednesday, I'll have that dream completed....wow.
I was very fortunate to have sold three homes this past week, this has greatly reduced my stress in relation to financing. I have over two thousand paid off on my surgery loan and am hoping that by the end of 2008, I have it more than half way gone. It would be great to have the loan completely paid off by next year...we'll see what happens.
Another thing that helped tremendously was a benefit penis party that we threw at my home. I am amazed by the support and love that my friends and family have given me and will always carry the memories of the party with me.
The only bummer from the party is that both Michelle and I got a cold. I quickly rushed into my doctor's office and got an antibiotic because I'm not going to let anything keep me from my surgery on May 7th.
not sureSo we have eight more days now until we leave, 12 more days until my surgery. Currently I'm in a mad dash to get everything done for a benefit party that will be held at my house saturday night...after I get through the party, then I'll focus on packing and making sure all of my bills are set up to be distributed while I'm gone. You never really realize how much there is to do, until you're facing a reality of being out of contact with everyone and everything for two weeks.
I'm still very excited for the surgery, but I'm definitely ready for the day to come and go because all of these years of thinking about it have made me very tired ;)
chillin'So we now have 12 more days until my partner and I get on an airplane and fly over to Serbia. Originally, my surgery was scheduled for May 6th, but due to that day being a day of celebration for them, I was informed this morning that my surgery will be on May 7th...so hopefully they won't party too hard the day before 
I'm actually excited by the idea of being able to sight see before being laid up in bed with achy balls. It will give my partner and I time to get some food for our stay and learn a little bit about the bus system. I'm scheduled to have the operation done in the Nardoni Front Clinic which is 35 minutes to an hour bus ride away from the apartment that we will be staying in.
Right now I'm feeling nervous for the flights. Excited to see the city. Nervous for the surgery. Excited/Nervous for the results. And dreading not being able to cycle and run for a few months upon my return.
don't askSo I think that airline companies are ran by republicans mainly because they like to take our money and then screw us over. If it wasn't for me checking on my flights, I would have not known one of the legs was dropped which would have resulted in my partner and I being stranded in Belgrade, Serbia...just a little ways away from home.
After three hours of being on and off hold and running this way and that I have been issued a new airline/flight plan for our return home but was also left with more fees because of changes being made to my flight plan.
I've protested a few, one has been lifted but I'm determined, no matter how many customer service reps I have to go through and cheesy "hold" music that I have to listen to, to receive more compensation because with the amount I'm spending to fly, I deserve better treatment.
irritatedSo there are 23 days left before we board the airplane and fly to Belgrade. I'm very excited for the surgery, but super nervous flying there. One because of all the crap going on with airlines and flight cancellations and second, our flight from Belgrade to Paris (to take us back home is missing from my itinerary now!) I called the airport but they were of no help...where the hell did it go? I have tickets for it but I can't find it anywhere? So if we don't make it back from Belgrade it's because the airline screwed us over ;( Very, very, very nervous.
BUT, I'm very excited for the surgery team that I have chosen to help me increase my quality of life. I stumbled upon Dr. Miro's website the other day, and it's truly great. If you are thinking of having the metoidioplasty done, please visit his site at http://www.metoidioplasty.com.
More to come, soon!
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