Month Two: July 3rd-August 3rd, 2005

Back to Hormones

Week Six:July 13th, 2005:

The past two days I experienced a huge anxiety attack and depression. I kept questioning what I was doing and felt suicidal. Since I'm not a stranger to these types of feelings, I reminded myself that that was just the way I felt, and that things would get better. Thanks to the past six years of therapy, I have learned the importance of breathing and just riding the wave.

In other news, people are starting to comment on the drop in my voice. Although it isn't a huge change, yet...people can still notice :) My arms are becoming a lot more toned now, and when I work out, I am able to lift heavier weights without strain. I've also noticed more soreness in my muscles (especially my quads). My feet may be growing too because yesterday I had to cut my run a mile short due to severe pain on the bottom outside of my feet (below my pinky toes). I've never ran on my foot that way before, so somethings going on.

I received my first prescription from Strohecker's today, and am very, very happy with their service.

Week Nine: August 3rd, 2005: 2nd Month Anniversary

I am continuely amazed at what a hormone can do to one's body as well as to one's mind. I'm now 62 days on T, and over the course of these past two months I've experienced:

A dramatic drop in my voice go here to listen
Change in my menstrual cycle (skipped last month, spotted for 12 days this month) Still feel cramps and mental issues, but spotting is better than the alternative.
Change in body hair: My leg hair is getting thicker and pretty dark. My happy trail is sprouting new hairs each day (never had one as a female). My facial hair is sprouting pretty good on my chin.
Change in Body Shape. My arms are becoming more defined and I'm able to lift more...currently curling 100 pounds, was curling 80 prior as max.
I have not experienced any huge emotional differences, not angry, maybe a little more irriateted at times though.
And lastly, acne, acne, acne...all over my back and front of my chest :(

There will be photos up here hopefully by Friday, August 5th. I'd also like to add a page that has photos of my past ie. childhood, highschool, etc

I go in on Monday, August 8th for my name change, so very soon Ryan Scout will be legal for me to use :)

Week Seven: July 23rd, 2005:

Nothing really interesting to say as of yet...my body hair continues to grow in. I'm now seeing a sign of a true happy trail crawling up my belly and my facial hair continues to grow around my mouth and chin area. My voice, sadly, is not changing...ever since my last video clip on day 36, it seems as if my voice is going back to its high pitch. Needless to say, I'm not happy about this, especially with possible upcoming interviews and my need to get another job. I accidentally went through a vein on Saturday when I injected my 6th shot. Fortuantely, I didn't inject into the vein (no blood came into my needle chamber when I aspirated it), but I did bleed a lot when I took the needle back out, and now I have a little round bruise around the injection site :( Opps. The other really annoying thing is that Friday night I started cramping and then started my period! I skipped it last month, but it showed up this month (light and slow) but the emotions that go along with it are full blown....God I can't wait for the hysto.

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I'm grateful for the connections that I have made over these past three years and for that I continue to educate and share my story with the understanding that the only transgender person I can truly and honestly represent is me. Everyone has different needs, everyone has different visions of who they are, and so I hope that you all continue to live as true to yourselves as possible, letting go of societal or even communal pressures.